The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script ( www.the-editing-room.com)

“If you keep watching every leaked clip, you’ll ruin the movie for yourself, Mr. Wayne.”

Found at www.the-editing-room.com
The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script

FADE IN:
INT. BANK – GHICAGO
A GANG of CLOWNS breaks into a bank. The AUDIENCE impatiently tolerates the scene, despite having already watched it in front of I Am Legend as well as thirty times when it leaked ONLINE.

RANDOM CLOWN #1
Robbing this bank was a great idea. Anyone know why they call the guy that planned it ‘The Joker’?

RANDOM CLOWN #2
I hear he wears clown makeup to scare people.

RANDOM CLOWN #1
What? How does that answer the question at all? I asked why they call him ‘The Joker’, not why they call him ‘The Clown’. Nuts to this, has the real movie started yet?

The CLOWNS gather up a bunch of money and secretly kill each other one by one. One of the clowns pulls a gun on the OBVIOUSLY HEATH LEDGER CLOWN.

RANDOM CLOWN #3
I’m betting the Joker told you to kill me, so rather than kill you with your back turned I’m going to tell you how clever I am for figuring that out.

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN
No, I kill the bus driver.

RANDOM CLOWN #3
Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That’s extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that.
He gets run over by a BUS that drives into the bank.

BUS DRIVER CLOWN
Somehow, the bus survived crashing into the side of a building without a scratch, so let’s load it up with money! Hey, where are all of the other gang members?

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN
They had to go. Something about attending a dark carnival. Oh, and also, you’re dead.
HEATH kills the BUS DRIVER, puts a smoke grenade in WILLIAM FICHTNER’S mouth for no reason, then drives out of the building into a conveniently placed gap in a line of SCHOOLBUSES.

INT. PARKING GARAGE
A bunch of DRUG DEALERS confront CILLIAN MURPHY.

DRUG DEALER
Hey, your LSD made my clients shit themselves and jump out of buildings.

CILLIAN MURPHY
Honestly, why were you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack on his head?
Suddenly a bunch of FAKE BATMEN break up the drug deal but eventually CHRISTIAN BALE WEARING BLACK RUBBER shows up and arrests everyone.

FAKE BATMAN
Jesus, I’m just trying to help, do you really need to punch me in the face with metal, spiked gloves? What’s the difference between you and me?

BAT-BALE
Depends, are you on good terms with your sister?

INT. KITCHEN
Various MOBS all meet in a single room to facilitate the plot. Suddenly, HEATH LEDGER enters.

HEATH LEDGER
So it seems you guys all have a problem with Batman. Did you guys ever consider killing him?

ERIC ROBERTS
Holy shit, are we allowed to do that? We thought about having a mobster vs. crimefighter softball game, but that’s way easier! Why the hell didn’t we think of that?

HEATH LEDGER
Damn, being a criminal mastermind is cake when the other criminals have brains the size of Mary-Kate Olsen’s lunch. Now, I need to take over one of your gangs. First, let me tell you a story about when my asshole dad said things like “why so serious?” and “let’s put a smile on that face!”

ERIC ROBERTS
So all of your best lines from the trailer were from you quoting your douchebag father? That’s almost as disappointing as the way the last scene brought back Cillian Murphy just to get rid of him in 2 minutes.

EXT. POLICE STATION ROOFTOP

GARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT.

BAT-BALE
Grrgrll farggle raar!

GARY OLDMAN
Nice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he’s the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character.

AARON ECKHART
Here’s the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob’s money supply.

BAT-BALE
Frmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl.

AARON ECKHART
Did you take voice coaching lessons from Jack Bauer or something? Don’t you feel like an idiot growling all of your lines? You sound like you’re gargling Michael Keaton’s balls.

CHRISTIAN BALE goes to see MORGAN FREEMAN.

CHRISTIAN BALE
Morgan, I need to fly to Hong Kong, kidnap Chin Han, then fly out. Can you help me using technology and caustic banter? Also I want a new suit that lets me turn my head.

MORGAN FREEMAN
A whole new suit? You spent the entire last movie building the first one, and you want a totally redesigned new one after one line of dialogue?

CHRISTIAN BALE
Yes.

MORGAN FREEMAN
Your new suit is ready, have fun.

MICHAEL CAINE
I’ve thought of an excellent alibi for when you’re in Hong Kong, Mr. Bale.

CHRISTIAN BALE
Does it involve me taking an entire ballet troupe to a yacht from which I will mysteriously disappear, arousing a great deal of suspicion?

MICHAEL CAINE
Sure does!

CHRISTIAN BALE flies to HONG KONG and abducts CHIN HAN, then brings him back to CHICAGO. CHIN sells out the MOBSTERS, who then go to TRIAL. The JUDGE for the trial gets into her car, which suddenly explodes! And the COMMISSIONER is poisoned! And ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL manages to find work!

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S PENTHOUSE

CHRISTIAN BALE throws a party for AARON ECKHART, which HEATH LEDGER crashes.

HEATH LEDGER
Good evening, we’re tonight’s entertainment! We also do birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here’s my card.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
This is a ‘Wild Draw Four’ Uno card.

HEATH LEDGER
Yeah, I kinda had to use up all of the regular decks of cards in the city to stuff the judge’s car full of jokers. Took fucking hours.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Well if you’re here for Aaron Eckhart, we had ‘Old Chicago’ for dinner so he’s in the bathroom shitting lava.

HEATH LEDGER
I can wait. Want to hear a story? Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You’re actually kind of a butterface. But at least you’re not Katie Holmes, I like that.

BAT-BALE
Then you’re gonna love me!

HEATH LEDGER
How the hell did a guy in a giant bat costume sneak up right next to me without anyone noticing?

HEATH and CHRISTIAN fight, and somehow HEATH is able to hold his own against a guy with NINJA TRAINING. HEATH throws MAGGIE out of a window.
CHRISTIAN grabs her in midair, allowing MAGGIE to avoid landing on the PAVEMENT by landing safely on a CAR instead.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Thanks for catching me, but how are we going to resolve the issue of Heath still terrorizing your party guests upstairs?

BAT-BALE
Maybe if we awkwardly cut to the next scene, nobody will notice that we accidentally lost some pages of the screenplay.

CUT TO:
EXT. CHICAGO STREETS

The police are holding a funeral for the DEAD COMMISSIONER in the most logical location: directly in the middle of 4 abandoned high-rise buildings with lots of windows. The MAYOR gives a eulogy while wearing a DISTRACTING AMOUNT OF EYELINER.

CHRISTIAN BALE uses MAGIC to pull fingerprints off a nonexistent bullet and winds up getting to the FUNERAL just in time to see HEATH LEDGER attempt to shoot the unprotected MAYOR, miss, and somehow hit GARY OLDMAN instead.

AARON ECKHART
(oh phone)
Maggie, Gary Oldman has just been shot.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
I’m sure he’s fine, he’s not even commissioner yet. We’re not supposed to actually be worried that he might be dead, are we?

AARON ECKHART
Nonetheless, I’m concerned for your safety. Who can we trust?

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
I can go to Christian Bale’s penthouse. It’s the safest place in Chicago right now.

AARON ECKHART
The place where I almost got killed by Heath Ledger and you got thrown out of a window? Maybe you should hide on some subway tracks instead.

HEATH LEDGER
(on television)
Starting today, I’m going to kill innocent people until Batman reveals his secret identity. This plan is sure to work, since Americans are generally so willing to negotiate with terrorists.

CHRISTIAN BALE
I’ll never give into this terrorist’s demands!
(pause)
Nevermind, I quit. Play the sad music while I throw everything in the garbage, Michael. I am Batman no more.

MICHAEL CAINE
Subtle. Did you want to go kiss Kirsten Dunst upside-down in the rain, too?

AARON ECKHART holds a plot-explaining press conference, a scene that is quickly becoming a staple of the “Comic Book Movie About A Millionaire Playboy That Uses Technology To Build A Suit That Enables Him To Fight Evildoers” genre.

AARON ECKHART
Batman has offered to turn himself in. Are you people sure you want him to do this? If we go through with it, he might be replaced with Robin in the sequel.

RANDOM COP
Do it! Things are worse than evurrrrrrrr!

AARON ECKHART
Fine. I’m Batman, arrest me.

RANDOM COP
What? No, Batman has to be someone super-wealthy like, I dunno, Christian Bale for example. Don’t be stupid.

The POLICE arrest AARON and drive him to JAIL, but HEATH LEDGER shows up to FUCK SHIT UP. CHRISTIAN BALE’S car gets damaged, forcing him to resort to his unstable-looking BALE-POD, sold separately.

The SWAT van transporting AARON turns down a random road, which happens to be the exact road HEATH predicted, and therefore has a trap waiting.

AARON ECKHART
God damn, Heath is pretty smart for a guy that dresses like he’s going to a midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

CHRISTIAN BALE IN A RUBBER SUIT flips HEATH’S TRUCK using his BAT-PHYSICS-VIOLATOR, then rides up a wall in order to turn around like a BADASS. FANBOYS in the AUDIENCE cheer wildly for this, even though it looks RETARDED.

HEATH LEDGER
So it’s finally here. Me at one end of a Chicago street, you at the other. The epic battle between good and evil, teased in every advertisement for the movie! This is going to be awesome.

CHRISTIAN BALE crashes his bike like a PUTZ. HEATH laughs, then gets arrested by GARY OLDMAN, who is alive after all. Then the scene ends.

GARY OLDMAN
You see, this was all an elaborate plan to capture you! Including all the parts where a bunch of cops got killed!

HEATH LEDGER
That’s nothing, because MY plan included everything in your plan, but also some other stuff that gives me the upper hand after all! Eckhart and Gyllenhaal have been placed at opposite ends of the city with bombs strapped to them. You’ll only have time to save one.

BAT-BALE
That’s alright, the police will just save the other one.

HEATH LEDGER
Actually the police here are so incredibly inept that I am able to take their failure for granted in my grand scheme. Not that I look like the kind of guy that makes plans or anything.

GARY OLDMAN
We may be inept, but at least we don’t steal our dastardly plots from “Superman: The Movie.” Get your nose out of Gene Hackman’s ass.

CHRISTIAN tries to rescue MAGGIE but actually winds up saving AARON instead. ALL of MAGGIE blows up, HALF of AARON blows up, and ONE FOURTH of the AUDIENCE’S BLADDERS blow up.
Meanwhile, HEATH LEDGER escapes police custody using brabble frabble gloob glop.

INT. HOSPITAL
GARY OLDMAN visits AARON ECKHART, whose face has been half burnt off.

GARY OLDMAN
Holy fucking shit!

AARON ECKHART
Are you alarmed by my hideous scarring?

GARY OLDMAN
No, I just can’t believe how over-the-top Christopher Nolan went with the special effects on your face. I thought these movies were supposed to be realistic. Look at you, your fucking eyeball is hanging out. You look like the Toxic Avenger.

GARY leaves and HEATH LEDGER enters.

AARON ECKHART
You asshole, why did you kill my girlfriend?

HEATH LEDGER
I’m an agent of chaos. I just do things.

AARON ECKHART
Wow, that’s some sophisticated characterization there. As soon as I get out of these surprisingly strong bandages, I’m going to kill you!

HEATH LEDGER
Look, you don’t want to kill me for murdering her. You want to kill everyone else for failing to stop me from murdering her!

AARON ECKHART
That doesn’t make any sense at all.

HEATH LEDGER
And yet, it’s going to be your main character motivation for the rest of the movie. Now make with the murder, Sir Skins-A-Lot.

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S LAIR

MORGAN FREEMAN enters CHRISTIAN’S LAIR and finds an array of tiny LCDs monitoring the entire city using SONAR.

MORGAN FREEMAN
What the hell? How did you rig this thing up without me? You needed me to staple bat ears to a black mask.

BAT-BALE
I somehow installed your sonar technology in every phone in the city, and apparently everyone has bought a new phone in the past week. I need you to use this thing to find Heath Ledger.

MORGAN FREEMAN
This is totally unethical and I won’t stand for it.

BAT-BALE
What? This was YOUR plan. You didn’t give a shit when we were spying on Chinese guys but now you’re all pissy? What’s the difference between that and this?

MORGAN FREEMAN
Plausibility, mostly.

BAT-BALE
Well, this scene is getting dangerously close to actually having something to say, so we’d better hurry and get to a pointless action sequence.

CHRISTIAN and MORGAN figure out that HEATH is hiding out in a random building overlooking the harbor, where he has rigged two FERRIES with EXPLOSIVES.

MORGAN FREEMAN (O.S.)
(into Christian’s earpiece)
Alright, it looks like there are a bunch of hostages dressed as clowns and a bunch of kidnappers dressed as hostages. You should tell the SWAT guys so they don’t shoot the wrong people.

BAT-BALE
I think I’d rather beat the living shit out of them and leave them hanging off the side of a building instead.

CHRISTIAN walljumps his way to HEATH, who releases DOGS on him.

BAT-BALE
Oh no, dogs! Batman’s one true weakness!

BALE fights the dogs and then fights HEATH. Eventually HEATH falls off a ledge and plummets toward the ground, but CHRISTIAN saves him.

BAT-BALE
I saved you, Heath. That proves how committed I am to my sissy-pants moral code.

HEATH LEDGER
Huh. You didn’t seem to have a problem letting Liam Neeson die in the last movie, and all he did was blow up your house. I guess you loved your mansion more than Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t blame you, honestly.

BAT-BALE
I had to save you! You need to be in the next movie!

HEATH LEDGER
Yeah… about that…

EXT. BUILDING RUINS

AARON ECKHART has taken GARY OLDMAN’S FAMILY hostage.

GARY OLDMAN
Please don’t hurt my family. I know you’re trying to establish a major character shift in like five minutes, but still, this is pretty unbelievable.

AARON ECKHART
I’m going to kill your son, Gary. Please continue laying on the ground and doing absolutely nothing to stop me.

CHRISTIAN BALE shows up and shoves AARON off the building ledge to his OBVIOUSLY-NOT-ACTUAL-DEATH.

GARY OLDMAN
Way to avoid breaking your one rule, Bale.

BAT-BALE
We can’t let people find out he killed a bunch of people. Tell everyone I did it.

GARY OLDMAN
Hmm. You know, we could probably just blame everything on Heath Ledger, since he murdered like 500 other people during the movie.

BAT-BALE
No, it has to be me. Nothing else would be as arbitrarily dramatic.

GARY OLDMAN
Alright, I’ll go along with your plan to protect Eckhart’s reputation, somehow looking past the fact that he nearly just shot my son in the fucking face.

The POLICE chase CHRISTIAN BALE into the night while GARY tries to awkwardly contort his closing voiceover into something that lets him say the title of the movie.

CHRISTIAN BALE gives everyone in the AUDIENCE a MILLION DOLLARS and everyone rubs their movie tickets on themselves to CURE CANCER, because this is OHMIGOD THE BEST MOVIE EVER EVER EVER!

END

THE DARK KNIGHT Pressevorführung und Bat Event im Cinestar Original, SonyCenter Berlin

28. Juli 2008 – THE DARK KNIGHT Pressevorführung und Bat Event im Cinestar Original, SonyCenter Berlin

Deutschlandpremiere : 21. August 2008

Überraschender Weise konnte ich in der Nacht vor dem Bat Event tatsächlich noch schlafen und erschien ausgeschlafen und gut gelaunt am Ort des Geschehens.
Eine ordentliche Portion Panik war natürlich auch mit dabei – Brummbär’s drohende Worte („Seid pünktlich, es gibt Einlasskontrollen!”) hatte ich noch im Ohr und die Ankunftszeit war ein wenig knapp kalkuliert. Meine Begleitung musste an dem Tag noch zur Nachtschicht und durfte entsprechend früher aufstehen und ein befreundetes Paar, das ebenfalls Karten gewonnen hatte, konnte erst um 19 Uhr die Arbeitstelle verlassen. Ganz zu schweigen davon, dass ich eine persönliche Affinität dazu habe, ständig zu spät aufzuschlagen.

Und so kam was kommen musste … während ich noch in der Bahn saß und hoffte, dass meine Kinokalkulation noch stimmte, meldete sich die erste Kollegin schon als anwesend …
Das letzte Mal hatte ich mir in diesem Kino BATMAN BEGINS angesehen und entsprechend war ich mir unsicher, ob das Kino das ich im Kopf hatte auch das entsprechende Kino war. Mit Keoma war ich später auch noch einmal in einem anderen CineStar Kino um mir SEVERANCE anzusehen und entsprechend war ich etwas unsicher.

Aber alle Sorge war umsonst, meine Begleitung entdeckte mich schon von weitem und kurz vor 19 Uhr standen wir brav (und erstmal ganz alleine) vor dem Kino. Die freundliche Dame von der Information bestätigte mir auch noch einmal mit einem ziemlich eindeutigen Grinsen, dass die Pressevorführung hier stattfinden würde – und das die ersten „Gäste” schon da wären.
So, wie sie mich bei dem Kommentar musterte, ahnte ich schon ungefähr, was mich ertwarten würde …

Wieder zurück im sonnendurchfluteten SonyCenter (es waren gefühlte 36 Grad im Schatten), sichteten wir schon nach kurzen Zeit das erste Joker T-Shirt und den dazu gehörenden The Scarecrow. Little Coward gesellte sich kurz darauf dazu und plötzlich fand man sich in angeregten Gesprächen und Diskussionen über den Film wieder. So angenehm kann man also die zähfliessenden Minuten verbringen.

Der Teufel Zufall sorgte dann auch dafür, dass ich (während ich auf weitere Kollegen wartete) auch Keoma im Trubel des SonyCenter entdeckte und nicht nur die charmanten Damen in seiner Begleitung kennen lernte, sondern auch noch ein paar Worte mit ihm wechseln konnte.
Nachdem dann auch noch durch James Gordon höchstselbst das „Ich war wirklich dabeig pic organisiert hatte und meine erwarteten Gäste aufgetaucht waren, flüchteten wir dann auch nach unten in den Kinosaal – oder zumindest in den Vorraum.

Und hier begann dann auch das organisatorische Chaos und einige kuriose Seiten der menschlichen Psyche zeigten sich auf:
Die sichere Garderobe stellte sich als mit Kordeln abgetrennter Bereich heraus, an dem fleissig Taschen und Jacken in fröhlichem Chaos auf dem (sauberen) Boden und freien Stühlen verstaut wurden.
Obwohl wir 15 Minuten zu früh vor dem Kinosaal ankamen, war die Warteschleife schon lang. Es waren keine 300 Menschen, aber es waren VIELE. Laut den Gesprächen um mich herum, frage ich mich, wo noch Karten vergeben wurden. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob jeder wusste, welchen Film er jetzt sehen würde.
Die angedrohte Ausweiskontrolle stellte sich als lose Abfrage des Namens heraus. Da die Blätter relativ offen auf dem Tisch lagen, konnte man sich auch einen Namen aussuchen – weder der Perso noch die Herkunft der Tickets wurde geprüft.
Der Versuch ein Presseheft zu bekommen endete mit einem entschiedenen „Das bekommen nur Journalisteng. Okay, dann eben nicht … leider konnte ich mir während des aftermath auch kein eigenes organisieren.

Es gab eine Sicherheitskontrolle mit Metalldetektoren und dem ganzen Zirkus … ich hatte fast das Gefühl wieder zu verreisen.Und dieser Mal durfte ich, trotz Stahlkappen, sogar mein Schuhe anlassen.

Brav und artig sassen wir 19:55 auf unseren Plätzen und warteten. Sicherlich würde doch gleich ein Mensch von Warner auftauchen und uns noch kurz etwas über den Film erzählen. Aber nein … es wurde 20.15 und Brummbär’s Worte hallten in meinem Kopf nach: „Bitte findet Euch spätestens eine halbe Stunde vor Beginn der Vorstellung ein. Man wird pünktlich beginnen!g. Hmmm …

Kurz danach stellte sich heraus, dass es wohl an den Journalisten lag, die sich verspäteten. Ja okay, es ist eine Pressevorführung – beugen wir uns dem Unvermeidlichen.
Pünktlich um 20.30 begann zwar nicht der Film, aber die Platzsuche der Journalisten. Trotz eines hellerleuchteten Kinos wuselte Berlins Filmelite durch die Gänge und fragte sicherheitshalber noch einmal jeden der am Gang saß „Ist hier noch ein Platz frei?”- seid mir nicht böse, liebe Journalisten … aber wenn ihr stehend nicht erkennen könnt, ob ein Platz frei ist … wie sollen wir das dann sitzend sehen?

Hin und wieder flüchtete noch ein wartender Zuschauer nach draussen und die freien Plätze wurden wie von Aasgeiern belagert. Selbst ein deutliches „Der kommt gleich wiederg wurde ignoriert – und so musste irritierte Fans nur allzu regelmässig Journalisten von ihren eigenen Plätzen verjagen.

Schlussendlich waren die zu spät aufgetauchten Journalisten sich dann doch zu fein sich in die erste Reihe zu setzen (in der sichtlich freie Plätze waren) und setzen sich auf die Treppe. Toll … das erhöht doch gleich die Stimmung, wenn sich dann auch noch Treppengespräche wie dieses entwickeln:
Journalist 1 „Seien Sie bitte vorsichtig.”
Journalist 2 „Ja klar”
Journalist 1 „Achten Sie doch bitte darauf wo Sie sich hinsetzen.”
Journalist 2 „Jaja. Du sag mal …”
Journalist 1 „Da stehen Flaschen!”
Journalist 3 „Was? Ach so, ja.”
Warum Nummer 1 sich zwei Bierflaschen mitgenommen hatte (Kann man den Film nach 1 Liter Bier noch vernünftig beurteilen?) und den Film unbedingt im Stehen sehen wollte (und ich bin mir sicher, dass die Leute in den Sitzen hinter ihm nicht von der Idee angetan waren) und warum Nummer 2 und 3 ihre Plätze erst im Dunkeln einnehmen wollten, entzieht sich meiner Kenntnis.

Doppelte Überraschungen?
Und ob … hinter der „Ausweiskontrolleg gab es ein gut ausgewähltes Getränkesortiment. Leider lässt sich Warner durch Pepsi unterstützen und damit fielen coffeinhaltige Getränke aus 🙂 – aber dafür fühlte ich mich spontan in meine Jugend zurückversetzt … es gab 7Up. Das hatte ich, soweit ich mich erinnere, Anfang der 90er Jahre zum letzten Mal getrunken.

Wie üblich strotzten die Dialoge vor Doppeldeutigkeiten, Sarkasmus und unverholenen Angriffen. Heath Ledgers Texte sind unglaublich bösartig und komisch und stehen dem Ruf des Jokers in nichts nach.
Die Situationskomik aus dem ersten Teil ist übernommen worden und der skurrile Humor wurde erneut verfeinert.
Die letzte „doppelte Überraschung” hatte dann Keoma selbst organisiert, indem er mich beim Verlassen des Kinos abgefangen hatte und mich mit den Worten begrüsste: „Darauf habe ich den ganzen Abend gewartet, Darf ich euch einander vorstellen? Katrin, das ist Katrin. Katrin, das ist Katrin.”

Ja, Keoma hat einen skurrilen Sinn für Humor und konnte der Verlockung nicht wiederstehen, an einem Abend der doppelten Überraschungen und Doppeldeutigkeiten eine Namensdopplung auszunutzen …

Best of mit kleinen Spoilern
Der sehnsüchtig erwartete Zaubertrick war so interessant, wie er beschrieben wurde. Der verstreute Applaus wurde skeptisch akzeptiert. Ja, ich habe auch geklatscht … und bei jeder Szene die ich aus dem Forum oder den Trailer kannte, stahl sich ein unvermeidliches Lächeln auf mein Gesicht.
Ein gewisser Maroni wird lernen, dass man nicht immer eine zu grosse Klappe haben sollte. Aussagen wie Ein Sturz aus dem zweiten Stock wird mich nicht umbringen können interessante Folgen haben.
Durch eine Schöpfung von Mr. Fox werden nicht nur die Sonar lenses eingeführt, sondern auch ein anderes, sehr interessantes Gadget – das später zu Verstrickungen führen wird.
Jokers Kampf mit seiner Fernbedienung im Gotham Central schwankt zwischen Surrealismus und einem mehr als skurrilen Humor. Heath Ledger in diesem dress code ist zum Schreien komisch. Wirklich.
Die Explosion des Trucks wurde durch den Trailer oft kritisiert – trotzdem funktioniert sie im Kino hervorragend. Weder der Trick noch die Kameraführung mag neu sein … aber der Effekt ist trotzdem atemberaubend.
Die Maske von Two Face war, meiner Meinung nach, enttäuschend. Sie war zwar sehr realistisch, aber irgendwie hatte ich mehr erwartet. Mein Kompliment geht aber and die SFX Abteilung, die Maske perferkt hingezaubert hat – inklusive beweglicher Muskelstränge und sichtbarer Zähne …

Alles in allem, bin ich sowohl Warner Bros als auch den Betreibern der www.batmans.de homepage zu tiefem Dank verpflichtet. Es war ein unvergesslicher Abend und ich bin froh, dass Keoma mich auf eine Seite verwiesen hat, die ich das letzte mal durch Jororo gefunden hatte.
So – und jetzt zähle ich die Tage, bis ich den Film am 21. August nun endlich noch einmal (u.a. in englisch) im Kino sehen kann.

Holy microscopes! A real-life scientist has worked out exactly what it would take to turn any of us into Batman

Friday, 1 August 2008

From zero to hero : Holy microscopes! A real-life scientist has worked out exactly what it would take to turn any of us into Batman. Simon Usborne reveals his formula
Photo: Warren Little/Getty ImagesBy Simon Usborne
Wednesday July 30 2008

Swooping through Gotham with more gadgets than 007 while beating bad guys to a pulp and receiving the adulation of the masses – who wouldn’t want to be Batman?
One man thinks it might just be possible. Dr E Paul Zehr, a professor of kinesiology and neuroscience who is also a martial arts expert, has dissected the Dark Knight in a book to be published later this year. In Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero, Zehr, who works at the University of Victoria in Canada, shows the kind of training Bruce Wayne or any other mortal would have to put themselves through to become the caped crusader.
“What makes Batman such a great superhero is that he is a man without any super powers,” Zehr says. “He wasn’t born on another planet or bitten by a mutant spider; he just has a lot of money and a lot of skill. But nobody has evaluated whether it is feasible to be Batman – I wanted to look at it scientifically and come up with the answer.”
Zehr’s feasibility study involved trawling his collection of comics – he is a life-long Batman fan who used to dress up as the superhero when he was a child – and applying his knowledge of the brain, the body and his own fighting skills. He reckons it would take 15 to 20 years to fit in all the training required, ideally starting in childhood.
Zehr admits it would be “extremely difficult” to get anywhere near Batman’s level but, he says: “Given what we know about the body and the brain I do believe it is possible.”
Brain
Batman can have all the money, gadgets and kick-ass moves he likes but if he’s going to keep Gotham free of crime there’s one muscle that needs to be as well honed as his quads and abs: his brain. “Apart from anything he’s the world’s greatest detective and you’ve got to have intelligence for that,” Zehr says. And then there’s what Zehr calls “body sense” – the ability to perceive and produce movement. “It’s something that highly trained athletes have in sports that combine powerful movement and fine control – martial arts and gymnastics are good examples,” Zehr says. “There’s a scene in one graphic novel where Batman has to defend people in an orchestra pit at the opera. He’s still able to use his fine body sense to filter out the distractions and save the day. It takes years to get your motor skills that well tuned, but it’s definitely possible.”
Eyes
The Bat-eyes have to be rather better than a real bat’s. “He needs to extract important visual information more quickly than an untrained person,” Zehr explains. “He needs to combine the visual skills of a well-trained detective, who can get a glimpse of something at a crime scene and remember all the detail, and a footballer, who moves quickly and has to make quick decisions in a dynamic environment.” A cross between Wayne Rooney and Inspector Morse, then. It also means Batman has constantly to be aware of what is happening in his periphery. Humans have a very narrow field of vision but there are exercises designed to improve it. Try holding out your arms in front of you and staring at an object between your outstretched index fingers. See how long you can focus on the object and your fingers as you separate your arms.
Diet
Batman’s a busy guy but, like Jack Bauer of 24 fame, when do you ever see our hero munching on Kit-Kat? One eating scene appears in Batman Begins, when Alfred serves a bruised Bruce a mysterious green smoothie. Zehr says: “I reckon he would need to eat 60 per cent carbohydrates, 25 per cent protein and 15 per cent fat. To do everything Batman has to do, he would need to take 4,000 calories a day – almost double the average for a man.” So, lots of pasta and biscuits? “Yeah, he wouldn’t need a crazy diet.”
Training
As Christian Bale showed in the film Batman Begins, you have to be buff to be Batman – that suit won’t fill itself. The problem is, he has to be as agile as he is powerful. “In reality you just can’t have both,” Zehr says. “Batman has to be somewhere in between – really good at everything but not the best at anything – except being Batman.” To get clues about Batman’s bodybuilding, Zehr trawled his comics collection. “The first description appears in 1939, when Batman was seen wearing shorts holding an enormous bar bell over his head. That’s how he was supposed to become Batman, but strength training wouldn’t be enough. His training would have to be even more varied than a decathlete’s.”
Height
Becoming Batman is a tall order but just how big is the caped crusader? The five men who have played him on the big screen (West, Keaton, Kilmer, Clooney and Bale) have ranged from a measly 5 foot 10 inches (Keaton) to a lofty 6 foot 2 inches (West). By searching the comics and all the literature in a field that might be called Batmanology, Zehr has put the height of the real superhero at 6 foot 2. By the time he has become Batman, Wayne tops the scales at 95 kilograms (15 stone) compared to 84 kilograms (a tad over 13 stone) before the “batplan” training regimen.
Body clock
Billionaire playboys like Bruce Wayne might be more nocturnal than average people but it’s not natural for humans to work nights. “Batman is in an almost permanent state of jet lag because he’s always out at night,” Zehr says. “As anyone who has flown knows, jet lag affects our performance because our bodies work according to certain rhythms. For Batman to be at his best he would have to tailor his whole schedule or be constantly exhausted. The level of light reduction he would need in the day to allow him to sleep normally then would be like wearing a welder’s mask. It’s a pretty extreme existence but, again, it’s possible.”
Bones
You might think that when you stop growing your bones are set like a bicycle frame, destined only to weaken and go creaky with age. Not so. “When you do any activity your body adapts and your skeleton is no different,” Zehr explains. “Say you want to train for a marathon but have never really run before. As you start pounding the pavement your bone tissues are experiencing mechanical loads they are not used to. This stress causes your bones to remodel and lay down new minerals to become stronger.” Batman uses this ability to give him a bigger punch. “He would do this by hitting objects such as a wooden striking post used in martial arts.” But Zehr warns wannabes against swapping punch bags for oak trees. “That’s going to hurt,” he says.
Armour
Batman’s striking outfit, developed then ditched by Wayne Industries as military combat armour, is the most important piece of his crime fighting equipment. But how much protection could bullet and stab-proof “hardened Kevlar plates of titanium-dipped tri-weave fibres” offer? “The problem is that, however protective the suit is, the energy of a bullet or a hit still has to go through,” Zehr says. “I’ve seen chainmail suits used by divers where shark bites haven’t punctured the skin yet the whole arm gets crushed.” Batman’s most-vulnerable body part is his head and Zehr says one of the biggest stumbling blocks on the way to becoming Batman would be surviving the knocks he takes. Zehr says. “However good his helmet is, a big jolt is going to cause concussion or worse.” A real life Batman would have to be quick enough to avoid a good hiding.
Cape
The “memory cloth” used to create Batman’s cape, which stiffens into a glider when an electric current runs through it, is a Hollywood fabrication but experts believe similar materials aren’t far off. Several armed forces are developing body armour that uses magnetorheological fluid. Essentially iron fillings mixed with oil, the fluids behave like a liquid until a magnetic field is applied, when the fluids become solid. Whether Batman could then control a cape to swoop from one of Gotham’s skyscrapers is another matter, though base jumpers using special wing suits have shown that unassisted human flight is possible.
– Simon Usborne